Sometimes this is just how I feel.

We don’t have control over everything. We can only control what we can control. Same thing goes for people. It’s like when you raise a child. You raise them with love, values, morals and wisdom in hopes that they don’t stray from all of your life lessons. Do we really have control in the long term? Absolutely not. You are allowed to feel angry, hurt, and upset. What you shouldn’t do is hold on to that anger for too long. Take it from a person who has held on to her own for way too long…

If you’re new to this blog, I’ll fill you in. I wasn’t pregnant for 29 years of my life. The last 5 of those I spent going back and forth with someone I shouldn’t have. I end up getting pregnant by this person and *cues anger* fast forward to now, I have an immense amount of anger I need to let go of. The emotion itself isn’t what is bad. It’s how you let it affect and how you choose to deal with it. I had forgiven this person for what they did during my pregnancy. Even after my child was born I told myself I would extend some grace. Now, new things have surfaced that have caused me to revert to many of the same feelings I previously had. It is not ok. Anger is at the top of the list. That anger is for my baby girl. Things haven’t been fair for her, on his part, and I am quite sick of it.

If you ask him he might say he is doing his best. Well ya know, sometimes a person’s best ain’t at their best. And it isn’t enough. Not when you see them doing exceedingly above and beyond in other situations. So…your best is a mediocre version of your actual best? Nah. That’s why I’m angry.

I know I have more healing to do. I am doing everything in my power to be completely healed. To take my power back. To be sitting at the top of a mountain and being able to scream I’M FREE at the top of my lungs. I am going to take my time, but I won’t take forever. I got some freedom to indulge in.

As always, thank you for coming to read my thoughts. I can only hope that which each post someone is inspired to share or is motivated to make a change of their own. Feel free to comment, like or share. Sending love and light your way.

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